This is how many people I kept alive today...

Which in my opinion is pretty amazing considering it's

only been three days since life pulled the rug out from under me.

Today was an angry day......I wonder...am I premature in

my hatred toward the world??? Is it wrong that I wish this

on one of those little peckers at the park...the ones that throw sand,

pick on little kids and basically grow up to be

"a boil on the butt of humanity?"

I mean, if we're going to inflict pain and illness, why not do

society a favor...you know, two birds with one stone kinda thing.

But seriously, we haven't even seen the doctor yet, and I can't

imagine that harboring this much hostility is good for my complexion...

I'm really hoping he tells us something Google hasn't.

There're a few things I pray aren't the diagnosis, but one especially,

it's not cancer but this thing may as well be...craniotomy...radiation

treatments...high instance of recurrence...and my favorite, most

common diagnosis for brain tumors in children...I really just typed

"brain tumor," that's the first time I've said that...or should I say

acknowledged it. Tumor means abnormal growth.

Cystic lesion...tumor.

Potato...potato.

I tried to stay busy today. Idle hands tempt me to Google and putting

it mildly...Google is evil...see above.

Unfortunately, it's all I have until Tuesday the 11th...

p.s. Dear Grandpa, thank you for teaching me the word "pecker"

it feels just as good typing that as it would had I dropped

the "F" bomb. Also, rather than wishing this on "park peckers,"

I'd rather wish this on "gymnastics peckers."

(details in a later post)

Thank you and goodnight.