Reminders...

Its been a week and I'm still plagued with reminders.

Every trip to the loo...reminds me.

Every pain in my pelvis...reminds me.
Every iron pill I choke down (twice a day)...reminds me.

Every minute I spend in the shower scrubbing

the stubborn residue left from the monitor patches...

reminds me...

There's no escape.

I've decided that the gyno office needs to be like the vet...

cats to the right-dogs to the left...

pregnants to the right-empty bellys to the left...

What do ya think?

Am I wallowing?

I try...

I try to keep busy...

Lord knows bed rest for a week has

left plenty for me to do around here...

The problem is...

the busier I am, the "louder" they get...

you know, the reminders.

I can't close my eyes.

I can't close my eyes because I looked.

I shouldn't have looked.

I shouldn't have looked at the jar.

But I had to...

I had to see my fake baby.

That's what we call it around here.

"Mommy had to go to the doctor so he could

take out her fake baby."

The thing is, it didn't look fake.

It had everything...

It had everything it was going to need,

to be.

Not now though.
Now August 3rd will be
just. another. day.